So this is it, I’ve moved on to a new chapter of my dating life with mixed feelings of shame and triumph. I had loved but love wasn’t enough. We weren’t right for each other. We loved so many of the same things but I couldn’t feel his love for me. Was it because he was shy? I don’t think so. The relationship wasn’t always like this. There was balance and I was happy. At some point, I received less love from him. So I gave and gave so much of myself, but in the end, I received even less in return. When I felt compromised, I made demands, but I felt the resistance in the relationship to satisfy my needs. I yearn for care, a voice of understanding, admiration, and love. But I didn’t want to ask for it for fear that my own needs would break us apart. So I changed to fit into his life, to support his endeavors and dreams, at the expense of hollowing myself out from the inside. I resented and blamed, but in the end, I was at the helm of my own life and I had allowed all of this to happen. 

I need to learn to say no. I need to learn to show my true self and be alright to let the relationship work itself out, whether it be a break or a union. That’s the risk, with huge uncertainty, one takes to find her soul mate. ha … And who would I to find if I have lost my own soul?! 

I will miss this gentle giant, but it’s time to move on. I stumbled and regained my own balance. I am happy and feeling hopeful and full again. I am practicing saying no to things I don’t want, saying no without fear of losing the other person affections, saying no so I could stay authentic. I wish for a balanced and stimulating relationship with mutual respect, care, admiration, and love,  one in which adventures and stability are not exclusive of each other, and one in which creativity is boundless.

This entry was posted by Maya.

3 thoughts on “parting

  1. I was quite shocked and sad when I heard this news. I wish you best. I didn’t even know you kept a blog until I read your most recent flickr profile and clicked on the link. I also noticed you dumped Canon and switched to Nikon :)

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