What’s a girl got to do if she’s depressed? Binge on chocolates. I found something even better at Uwajimaya candy shelf yesterday. They are these wonderful little “burgers” that come in a box of 2 packs, 8 per pack. Each one is a little cracker filled with chocolate in the middle. So if you want to binge, have all eight burgers, or chocolates, whatever. Only $2 for the whole box of 16, without the undesired trans-fat. I’m always amused by Japanese innovations.
Maybe I’ve always been in denial of the fact that I might have signs of an obsessive personality. Over the weekend, I binged on 12 hours of TV. Not just any TV, it was Sex and the City. A friend insisted that I watch it because it’s hilarious. I think it was her her ploy to get me to update my fashion taste.
Good show, bad show, highly debatable. (I guess it’s good if it makes people debate passionately about it.) Like every girl that walked the Earth, I felt that I could relate to Carrie, dated the attractive “bad boy” and ended up when they broke your trust. A perfectly independent and attractive woman can all of a sudden become insecure and psychotic.
It’s possible that my inner self has a hidden desire to be the star of a TV drama, the IT girl. But I don’t think that’s the case here. The show made me wonder why I managed develop these great relationships at work, with friends and with a Chinese mother, but not with a boy? I wonder if “bad” emotionally unavailable boys like Big existed in my life. Why don’t we all apply the common courtesy of communication and respect for space when it comes to dating? (I’m talking as an offender as well as a victim.) A relationship takes at least two willing participants (except for the relationships with self). It defines itself beautifully when it’s working. Sure there is work, but the right one makes it a non-work.
The latest thing I learned, not yet put in practice, is that a relationships doesn’t have to be black and white, all or nothing, or even something. Uncertainty is hard to live with because I grew up learning 1+1=2, 1==1, … Unfortunately, there is no formula for romantic relationships, the movie Paris Je T’amine has lots of examples of that. Is romantic relationships too complex and computationally intractable? That should be my second PhD thesis.