home alone on Saturday night

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Nope, this is not a fourth of July fireworks pictures. Last Saturday, I was exhausted so I turned in early. Marsha’s phone call woke me up around 10, which was great because I ended up catching this 7 minute short private fireworks show over Lake Union, in front of the Gas Works Park. I didn’t have my tripod or remote control handy but I kind of like the wiggly lines that look like Chinese cup noodles. Not too shabby for hand held long exposures.

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It’s my second Saturday in a row to be alone at home, by choice. I thoroughly enjoy it. Even though I’m an extrovert in nature, I’m used to being an introvert. When I was little, my parents used a lot of positive reinforcement to make sure that I was a very quiet docile child. Through out elementary school, I knew I shone in various ways but never verbally or socially. I wanted to speak up but I lived the life of a very shy child. The only way that I could be extroverted was my inventiveness to pick up small projects around school. The moment I went to a new middle school, I decided that I’ve had enough. I spoke up. I made friends. I became popular without trying to be. I felt free to be myself even though I was no where near Dad’s loud and obnoxious funny personality which I admired. Unfortunately, all of that was reset again when I came to the US. There was another 10 years of personality recession before I said enough was enough. I am actually more of an extroverted person than what people like to think I am.

You see, each one of us deals with people with preset ideas of what they are supposed to be or not be. “You are not very Asian at all. Aren’t you supposed to be more Chinese?” “You surprise me sometimes.” “You don’t appear as innocent as you let on to be.” People, please question your assumptions. Just because I’m an Asian girl doesn’t mean I’m demure, submissive, and introverted. Just because I love dance and photography doesn’t mean I am not technically strong or logically driven. Just because I am getting a PhD degree doesn’t mean I’m smart and geeky. Just because I’m Americanized, it doesn’t mean I’m all acquainted with the American culture. Just because I’m 29, it doesn’t mean I am going to be mature all the time. I do hang out with girls half of my age that could be my daughters. Just because you knew me, doesn’t mean you have all rights to my personal information. Just because you “know” me, please don’t try to put me in a box. I dare you to come into my life and really get to know me for who I am. Just because I am writing this what seems like a desperate outcry to reach out to others, it doesn’t mean I don’t have a very full and content life with loving friends that I’m grateful for.

The point is I’ve been frustrated for a while that I don’t really fit anywhere. I am learning to live and let live, accept what is me, and open my own eyes to the “strange” things that life has thrown at me that didn’t fit any of my ideals, like men that I meet, friends I make, food that I eat, … There is so much to appreciate and why stress out about what it is not.

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This entry was posted by Maya.

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